Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer--ICD-10 code W55.32XA

Since developing a plan to reduce our country's seventeen trillion dollar National debt has proven too taxing for our current Congress, they have instead mandated the use of 55,000 new ICD-10 diagnostic codes. I mean, what's more important, preventing this country from eventual bankruptcy, or having the proper ICD-10 code for "Horseback rider collides with trolley?" (code V80.73A) How did I practiced medicine all these years without code W56.11XA, bit by a sea lion? The next time a patient stabs herself with a crochet needle, I'll be ready (Y93D1)

But I ask you, if an unfortunate patient did get "sucked into a jet engine," will he live to care if I've picked the proper code (V97.33A)?

I will hand it to our Congress---while they may not have the foresight to prevent financial calamity, they DID plan ahead for the poor soul who "collides with a spaceship." (code V95.43)

Remember the silly Christmas song, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?" Well, thanks to ICD-10, there is now a proper code for this unfortunate calamity:  W55.32XA.

Here are some of the other useless codes I am expected to start using come October, 2014:

  • Bitten by an Orca Whale     W56.21X
  • Burn due to water skis on fire    V91.07XD (How is this possible?)
  • Walked into lamppost  W22.02XA
  • Walked into lamppost, second time     W22.02XD
  • Walked into lamppost, subsequent times    W22.02S  (for the really clueless and clumsy!)
  • Asphyxiation due to being trapped in a discarded refrigerator at the dump   T71.231D
  • Lips stuck to a tuba Y93.J4
  • Struck by a falling turkey   W61.42A
  • Crushed by a falling alligator W58.03A
  • Drowned in a bucket of water  W16.221

Luckily, for those really hectic days when I can't be bothered to take a medical history (because I'm too busy looking up diagnostic codes), here is the best code of all:

  •  Y34  Unspecified event, unspecified time, undetermined intention.

Here's the irony of that code---the whole reason they came up with all the new ICD-10 codes is to force us doctors to become MORE specific with our coding! Go figure!